A Hi-Dee-Ho Reunion With Mr. Hanky (This is for you Bonnie!)

Yes boys and girls, it's that time of year again. It's been awhile, but Mr. Hanky has made his way back into our home and he's here to stay. True story. A few years ago, Bonnie and I had a lesbian roommate at the BYU (we're pretty sure she was, even though she claimed to have a boyfriend with whom she enjoyed "woodchipping"). Her old mission companion called her "Parks", in reference to her last name Parker, and she left messages on our answering machine daily asking Emily to go play softball with her. Emily's favorite things to do were: 1). Pick her zits in the mirror; 2). Look at a favorite picture of her and her mission companion giving each other piggyback rides; 3). Write messages (with Bonnie's paper), tack them on the bathroom mirror as if she were management, telling Bonnie and I to clean "our" mold off the shower that she used as well; 4). Tell the bishop that her roommates were breaking the Honor Code; and 5). Suck up Bonnie's necklace in the vaccuum cleaner and never pay her back. She was a pretty cool roommate; pretty, pretty, pretty cool.

So what does this have to do with Mr. Hanky? During our time together as roommates Emily invited her mother and her mother's friend to stay with us for 2 weeks. Yes, 2 weeks. Needless to say, it was a crazy time, mainly because Emily's mom was legally insane and she continually talked about all her many problems (which were mostly bowel related). Her mother carried a gallon bag of meds (I am not joking) and was constantly popping pills.

Well, early one morning during their stay, I ventured into the bathroom and what to my wondering eyes did appear but poop smears all over the outside of the toilet and lid. Naturally it must have been made by Mr. Hanky because no one in their right mind would leave that much poo all over the toilet for everyone to see. I screamed "Eew" aloud, and promptly left.

To make an already long story short, the poo had miraculously disappeared when I returned to the bathroom a half-hour later. Bonnie and I are pretty sure that it was not Mr. Hanky after all, but probably Emily's mother. Or Emily's mother's friend. Or Emily. But Emily's mom WAS the one who frequently told us of her bowel fits. But thinking it was Mr. Hanky makes it a lot easier to remember.