The Darkness

We really like our new pool. It's located right outside our apartment, it's not too cold (but not too warm), and it even has a little hot tub right next to it. Win-win situation, right? Right?
Well, friends, let us fill you in. We have a neighbor who sunbathes daily. As in seven days a week. And she is black. Not African-American, mind you. Black. This poor woman is a melanoma waiting to happen. She's gone from Caucausian to Outer Darkness!
So the worst came on Saturday. We jumped in during the early afternoon to cool off. And she was there, sunbathing. But as we were leaving, so did she. She's so skinny that her nasty bikini was literally hanging off of her butt, like a baby's diaper when it gets wet.
As we were going out of the gate, she dropped her keys. Upon bending down to pick them up, her bottoms crept up just enough to show us the whitest tan lines we have ever seen in our lives!
And if this post doesn't already qualify as way too much information, we have more. We were trying to decide who she looks like, and we came to one conclusion: she has the body of the Crypt Keeper from that old Tales from the Crypt show.
Nasty.